Sunday, April 24, 2011

Still Letting Go

No one tells you how difficult it is to let go a little more each year.  I have 5 kids, they range from age 34-20.  All of them live in AZ and I live in FL.  I try to go to AZ as much as I can, but I am working now, I have 2 dogs and it is very expensive when I go there.  None of them can afford to come here.  In fact my daughter is coming next weekend with my grand daughter as a birthday gift to her......but really it's for me!

Most of the kids moved out many years ago.  I got used to it, but then again, we lived in AZ.  We would have a big dinner at our house at least once a month and we saw the kids often.  We moved due to my husbands' work and have been out of the state for 7 years now.  I won't lie, most of the time I think I am better off not being too near to the kids.  I know that sounds crazy but I don't deal with stress very well.  I guess I feel like I have to fix all of their problems and when I can't, the guilt is more than I can bear.  I feel more guilty because I am far away and I am no help in an emergency.  I put this pressure on myself really.

Add the fact that my husband has to travel for work and I am alone most of the time, and you have psyco mom!  I feel needy and whiny, sad, lonely, angry....you get the drift.  I end up pissing off the kids in the end.  I talk to my daughter everyday.  If I can't reach her during the day, I think she is dead or something.  I over react.  I need to find a way to step back and let them live their lives.  I seem to have a terrible sense of doom.  It's not just with my kids.  I freak out if I can't reach my husband too.  I am afraid of losing people in my life.

I know my kids love me.  I just need to find a way to let go even more than I already have.


Happy Easter Everyone

8 comments:

  1. Vickie, I feel your pain. A mother's love is so complex and deep. They are lucky to have someone who thinks/loves them around the clock. You are so full of life and love. Your family is lucky!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry you're having a hard time with this. I can't really imagine what that must be like, but my sister lives in another state and my mom hates it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I live in another state from my family. My mom often tells me that she misses me but she knows that I'm where I'm supposed to be. It makes me feel guilty because there isn't any way for me to ease her feelings. I know she would rather I were closer, but my husband, my job and my life are here now. I definately am familiar with how you're feeling. Hope you have a good day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmmm - very insightful..and my heart breaks for you. This post reminds me of something Dr. Phil always says - "you create what you fear". I never understood that until I suffocated and worried about Rambo like you do your kids. If I stayed that way - in the end I would lose him - not to anything I worried about - but to my own devices and fears I put on him. After a while - he would have walked out under the pressure. I hope some day you can lessen your worry - knowing your mothering has given them everything they need to be successful. Oh and how about Skype?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm just starting emptying the nest, so I loved this post...because I'm right there. DD left for her apartment last night after dinner and I realized that I must have told her 5x to 'drive safe' as we loaded her car with Easter goodies and clean laundry...sigh...I don't think this will get easy, but I'm hopeful time will help.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hope you enjoy the visit that you are going to get soon. My kids are still little but I know it will break my heart when they leave the nest.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I wish I could hug you right now. You just love hard. Nothing wrongwith that. I just hope you don't make yourself sick with worry.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi there!
    Hope you get well soon!
    If you need a place to relax, I recommend the Buenos Aires apartments
    Cheers

    ReplyDelete